The moment I had been waiting for had arrived. I had been working towards this for the last 18 months and I had invested a lot of money in training, masterminds and different coaches to build a speaking business and I just knew that if I could add the prefix- “award winning speaker” to my name, I would have earned getting those 5 figure speaker fees. I would get on big stages and I would start to earn back all my investments. 

I had been invited to compete in the largest inspirational speaking contest in North America because one of the organisers had heard me speak and had been impressed. I even bought another coaching package, even though it stretched me financially, because I wanted to give myself the best chance of being in the top 3.

My time had come and it was my turn to get on stage. As I got on, I took a deep breath, centred myself, and delivered a powerful and emotionally moving speech. I shared vulnerability, on the theme of perseverance, and ended by singing one of the songs I wrote on the same theme. I could tell that I had moved the room and my coach who was watching online and emailed me, saying I had aced it. 

I got back to my seat and began to watch the other contestants and as I did, my heart slowly began to sink. You see, a lot of the other contestants were equally good, some were even better. As I watched, it began to dawn on me that there was a good chance that I would not be in the top 3, and my dream started to drift further and further away. When the winners were called, I celebrated with them. Then I took the next week or so to reflect on what had led me to what felt like a low point in my life.

Have you ever worked and worked to achieve a particular goal, thinking if you just achieved it, you would finally arrive at your desired destination and all or most of your problems will be solved? I finally came to the realisation that my heart may have been in the right place, but waiting to win an award or waiting to get recognition for your work before you feel deserving or worthy is like waiting to win the lottery before you are fulfilled in life.

On reflection, these were the lessons I took away from that experience and I want to share them with you:

• 1. I do not need to keep chasing even more qualifications or degrees, or buying more coaching or masterminds to become worthy of success. I am enough. I am inherently worthy of success. Read that out loud to yourself. How does it feel when you hear yourself say it? Do you believe it or do you feel some resistance? It’s okay if you do. It just identifies an area you need to work on. Do some journaling around it and write out some affirmations around it that you can begin to say out loud, till subconsciously, you accept it. 
• 2. Trust the knowledge and experience you already have. I often find myself chasing shiny object syndrome. Booking all of the events in sight because of FOMO, only to realise later, that the tactics and strategies that get me the results I want, were tools I already had in my arsenals and I just needed to trust it and apply the wisdom I already had.
• 3. Ensure your goals are dependent on your actions and the impact you are making, not on other people’s actions. Picking a goal that is dependent on judges or the public voting for you may be achievable, but the final results may be swayed by circumstances beyond your control and the final results may not be a true reflection of your competence. A better goal would be impacting a certain number of people with your message and your gift. This is trackable, therefore achievable and certainly more fulfilling when you hit that goal.
• 4. Hard work does pay off. We may have setbacks but never forget that it all adds up. Choose your dreams daily. We often think we need to say yes once, but forget that we make micro decisions daily that lead us towards or away from our goals and dreams daily. Yes, I had put in a lot of work to build my business, to open more doors so I could share the message and the songs that God had put on my heart and I had started to see results. I started the year by being invited to speak at a summit for artists and that was huge for me. I also got a client out of that speaking engagement, which shows that the work I had put in was paying off. When you face a setback, because you will, don’t give up. Take a minute and reflect on what lessons you can take from the experience and then move on, keep going, because your hard work will pay off.
• 5. I may not have been one of the winners but I believe God used that whole experience and gave me the exposure I NEEDED from it. God may not give you what you want, but you better believe, he gives us what we need. Being able to share so powerfully about my passion for teenage mental health on a radio interview got me invited out on my first tour as an artist and speaker in Ireland. And being able to say I participated in the largest North American inspirational speaking competition gives me all the credibility I need as a speaker. We should never forget that we work, but God also calls us to rest in him. We should do what we can and trust him to take it and do what we cannot. My prayer now is to be strategic about doing the best I can and then stepping back, giving it to God to use it. He will use it and it may not look like what we wanted but it would be what is needed.

Watch the speech I gave here

Ebi Oginni is a paediatrician, singer-songwriter, speaker, podcaster and a mental health advocate passionate about helping teenagers and their families stay emotionally healthy. She is also a music business coach who helps artists monetise their music.